Watch this video. The two elementary school girls fought over a boy. I would have had more respect if they fought over a principle or an ideal, but they are too young for that. At 10 and 11, they are too young to form beliefs of their own. Self-respect is often non-existent today in the world of our young daughters. And now, one is dead.
You may think this kind of thing only happens in “certain” neighborhoods, or the parents are to blame, or even the other girl was a bully. But I can tell you, today’s young girls, brought up by women with more freedom and power than ever before, begin “dating” boys in elementary school. Boys are coveted. They are possessed. One girl, whose mother I know well, went on a rant on her Facebook page when a young girl attended a middle school football game and caught the attention of the other boys. She and other girls (12 years old) posted hate filled comments on her Facebook page. When I was young, there were always aggressive girls. Today, there are many. In fact, they are the norm. Don’t believe me? Take a look at your daughter’s Facebook page. Visit her friends pages. You will be appalled. If you have a son, you will be shocked.
When my daughter was small, I remember reading “The Little Mermaid” to her. As I got to the part where Ariel falls in love with the prince (from seeing him on a boat), then gives up everything (her family and life under the sea) just for a man she barely knows, I had to stop and point this out, “How could she fall in love just by seeing him once?” At four, my daughter had no answer. Every time I read that book to her, I would always stop and point that out. She’s 12 now. I’m not sure it made an impact, but I did set a precedent. When she came home from school in fifth grade, and told me about a boy that liked her, I told her there was no such thing as boyfriends. I made a point when we were with her friends to point this out and I told her my interest was in her cultivating GIRLFRIENDS first, learning to like herself, and understanding that being loved by a man is not a single measure of a woman’s worth. I don’t really think she believes much of what I’m saying. She told me the boys at school think I’m crazy. To which I replied, “Thank you.”
So let’s make a GIRLFRIEND PACT – NO BOYFRIENDS UNTIL HIGH SCHOOL. While, I know we can’t really police this, they could “date” in school, but it’s about setting goals for our daughters. Let’s tell them to give themselves 13 years of me time before us time. Every year, let’s ask our daughters, “Tell me about you.” Encourage her GIRLFRIENDSHIPS. And hopefully, when her heart breaks, and unfortunately, we know if will, she will be strong enough to piece it back all by herself.