I come from a long line of strong women, a legacy that I cherish and sometimes curse. While some may assume that being an extrovert is a choice, it is actually part of my genetic makeup and no matter how much I would love to be an island, I am cursed with an inheritance that makes it impossible to simply “go along to get along.” Children are complicated creatures that require constant guidance, boundaries, patience and most importantly, love. I consider myself to be an expert at motherhood, which comes from the experience of once being a child, then a grown up and now a mom. I am reminded daily of my past, the joy, the heartache, the triumphs and the defeats. As a child I looked to my parents to give me courage and assistance in assimilating into society and my community as a whole. However, at no time did my mother or father tell me to be just like everyone else. In fact, I was encouraged to use my gifts and talents.
So, when I read about the Toronto parents – Kathy Witterick and David Stocker who have decided not to tell anyone their child, Storm’s gender, as “a tribute to freedom and choice in place of limitation,” I wondered what consideration they were giving to their children and if this “stand” was more for themselves than the well-being of Storm.
“What we noticed is that parents make so many choices for their children. It’s obnoxious,” says Storm’s father who also has two sons ages 5 and 2 that are encouraged to make their own choices. Good decisions come from great mentors. How do they expect their children to lead if they are not allowed to follow? Both parents let their children decide on their hair length as well as their clothing, they simply choose what they want. [And, getting everything you want as a child leads to wanting more and never really feeling contented. How could they when they are discouraged from the greatest lesson builder of all – disappointment]. What does allowing your children the freedom to choose look like?
For the two boys, it means long hair and girls clothing. At five years-old, son Jazz has had “intense” experiences with his own gender. That may be due to the fact that the couple has not communicated to the boy that, as a visual society, judging a person’s gender by clothing and hairstyle is the way we as humans interact. So, his parents were recently asked by Jazz to tell the people who run “the nature center” that he is a boy, not a girl. [I am certain that quashes any questions, misconceptions or child bullying no matter how “alternative” the school he attends.]
Freedom is not all that it’s cracked up to be, ask any hippie from the seventies who is not a grandparent. Choice begins with the adult. It’s a positive way to provide understanding and boundaries for children who have only been part of the great big world for a few years.
In the meantime, here’s a prediction, when Kathy Witterick and David Stocker are old, their children will make decisions for them, leaving choice and freedom completely out of the equation. Why? Because right now they are learning to be self-centered and internally focused.
Would George Washington have been a great leader without his mom? She was the one who discouraged him from joining the British Navy. What about Harry T. Burn, whose mother wrote him during the legislative session in 1920, encouraging him to give women suffrage. He did and the rest is history.
I have said it often, Mom is the most powerful person in the world.